Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
