Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize