My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
