i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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