Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think my vagina is haunted
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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