Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
