i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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