i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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