a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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