just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
