does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
