im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
