is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
