direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
