If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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