I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
