you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize