I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
