hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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