those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
