i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
