if i can run in heels then i can drive
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
