She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
