Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
