So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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