dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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