I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
