bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
