Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize