who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
FUCK WHALES
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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