I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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