You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize