his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
