Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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