Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Still dying that you shit outside
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm like, not good at living.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
