I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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