hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
