Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
