u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
