I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
