jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
