worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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