Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fuck appropriateness.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
