remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
