Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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