i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize