my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am midnight drunk by noon
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
