We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
