I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
