Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
