I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
God, I missed his penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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