he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
