i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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