Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
