8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
