if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
