he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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