bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
