Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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