Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
