if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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